Written by Inhopeless
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Saturday, 20 November 2010

image for Fickle Public Requires Celebrities to Chew and Spit Out to Survive
In ten minutes, they will drop dead, increasing the IQ of the world by 5000%

LOS ANGELES & LONDON - New protests in the media capitals of the world crying for new celebrities have risen.

Crowds amassed in Hollywood and London TV/Film studios, demanding new celebrities to build-up and break down.

The public, who have gossipped about and ruined several naive celebrities careers need more blood.

"WE WANT MORE!!" shouted a hungry crowd outside ITV's headquaters in London. "X-Factor is old and grey. We want more psudo-celebrities! We WANT MORE!"

However, the experts believe this will be just a phase... like all the others.

"Look," said psychologist Prof. Nick Thornes. "Most of the people in these crowds have never set foot in an university. They have lives so boring, they want someone else's. This will pass, the fickle dimwits." Our reporter then tried saving the Professor from a crowd of zombies, but to no avail.

The industry based around creating Z-list celebrities has gotten out of hand, with a ratio of 1:6. That's six failures for every successful celeb.

New research out will determine the amount of celebs needed to restore order, with supplies running out faster than expected.

"We're looking at a shortfall by tomorrow," said a Reuters expert. "By the day after tomorrow, the whole of society will collapse into withdrawal symptoms. Yes! Now I don't have to hear 'did you see what Wagner puts in his bin every night' or whatever trollop every day anymore."

The industry are reacting to the news. By stopping supplies of celebrities, they can start producing high-quality shows instead of crap.

As of press time, this reporter witnessed several cars outside of his home crash, due to celeb-deficiency syndrome. Score one to real people.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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