Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Saturday, 20 November 2010

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A top psychic has warned that the X Factor house could be haunted by angry dead moptops if they go ahead with plans to have a Beatles theme night today.

The controversy-hit show will see Kate Waissel sing Help!, Matt Cardle will perform Come Together and Wagner will do a Get Back/Hey Jude medley. The other contestants will also sing songs by the Fab Four.

But popular newspaper psychic Imogen Stradivarius tells us that she has been visited by the shades of John Lennon and George Harrison with a warning.

"The other night I heard these twangy scouse accents in my head and sure enough the telly went all strange and there was a face on the screen - I'm postive it was John.

"He seemed to be saying that there would be repercussions in a big house if a TV show abused his music.

"Then he disappeared and another apparition took his place. I'm pretty sure it was George. He said: 'All right, la! Tell those berks I'm coming round dere if they bugger about with any of our songs."

A show insider said: "Imogen has been in touch with us and we told her to shove it. Silly mare."

We couldn't be arsed to contact Ringo or Paul for a comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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