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Saturday, 20 November 2010

image for Tea Party Admits Fixing Bristol Palin Dancing With The Stars Vote.
40 acres and what else?

According to a statement given by spokespeople for the Tea Party to the Drudge Report, Federal Communications Commission officials will meet with party members, to discuss how they successfully fixed the vote on Dancing with the Stars to allow Briston Palin to remain.

On the show, after each C-list celebrity dances, viewers are commanded to vote for their favorite by calling a phone number sponsored by a cell phone company, which are more than happy to find a way to use up your anytime minutes. Whichever celebrity receives the least amount of votes is removed from the show, to live in the land of Nod, east of Eden.

Most recently, expert driver Brandy Norwood was removed from the show, while shaved-ape Bristol Palin remained.

"The Tea Party managed to hijack our show," said whothef--kever hosts Dancing with the Stars, as if his/her opinion means anything. "How can people trust us if they can't believe in our voting system."

"It looks like the Tea Party was able to successfully manipulate the vote to benefit Palin," said Matt Drudge, whose readership went above 100 for the first time in three years because of this story. "I bet John McCain wishes they could've done that in 2008."

The name "Tea Party" refers to the Boston Guinea-T Party, a 1773 incident when Southies got liquored up and beat the sh-t out of any Italians found south of West Broadway and Dorchester, a weekend tradition that continues to this day.

The Tea Party, which until 2008 called itself "libertarians", won the hearts and minds of easily distracted voters nationwide after attacking the President's Emergency Economic Stabilization Act of 2008 and American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009.

The party first hitched itself to the national political sh-twagon when Alaskan Governor and former University of Hawaii, Hawaii Pacific College, North Idaho College, Matanuska-Susitna College and University of Idaho student Sarah Palin read one of their colorful brochures and coopted their ideaology.

According to pollster Scott Rasmussen, whose grandfather Gregori Rasmussen was murdered in Russia in 1916, stated the bailouts of banks by the Bush and Obama administrations triggered the Tea Party's rise.

And while each and every Tea Party member is white, over 45 and married, the party believes that the misconception that they are anti-African-American must be addressed.

"We are for cutting back the size of government and believe in an originalist interpretation of the United States Constitution," said a Tea Party member."We encourage black people to join us. They'd only get 3/5ths of a vote, of course, but that's better than nothing."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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