Written by Bill Licks
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Friday, 19 November 2010

image for Stacey Solomon in I'm a Celebrity hardcore vermilingua orgy
I'm an insect get me out of this celebrity

I'm a Celebrity's Stacey Solomon has spent much of her spare time partaking in an orgy of vermilingua according to resident shit meddler Gillian McKeith.

'I've been analysing Stacey's turds' said the 65 year old Scot 'and the weird thing is that they've all been covered in ants.'

'So what I surmise is that she is from the vermilingua family of anteaters and she's been shovelling the insects up that huge beak of hers in some kind of feeding frenzy.'

Another celebrity to have his stools examined is the man who had one too many pill and thrill and bellyache, Madchester's favourite son Sean Ryder.

'I had a good look at Sean Ryder's brown grapes and they were in a dreadful state' said McKeith.

'I'm pretty sure he didn't have a very happy Monday crapping those beauties out of his arse after having to eat koala bear bollocks in a Bush Tucker trial.'

But the biggest shock to the Celtic crap juggler was the sight of professional divorcee Sheryl Gascoigne's faeces.

'I've never seen human waste quite like that before' said the attention seeking hunchback 'In fact Sheryl's shit looked as though it had literally been kicked out of her.'

'But there again I did briefly see a drunk man form Newcastle turn up in the jungle with his fishing rod so it's possible that could have actually happened.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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