LOS ANGELES - Following Tuesday's unexpected defeat of popular entertainer Brandy and pro-dancer Maksim "Mac" Chmerkovskiyeeiyiieovichskiyi, 20th Century Fox has greenlit, produced, and released a movie loosely based on the events of the controversial episode. Set in an American holiday camp in the nineteen-fifties, the film features fan-favorite Kristen Stewart as the rekindled pop star Brandy and Robert Pattinson as her love-interest/professional partner. The role of protagonist Bristol Palin goes primarily to teenqueen Miley Cyrus, with heartthrob Justin Bieber standing in during close-ups.
What is most remarkable, however, is the audiences' critical reactions.
Having opened only hour ago, "Dancing With the Stars - The Movie" has unexpectedly drawn heavy business from the highly anticipated "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One," the seventh film in a franchise that is poised to eclipse Star Wars as the most successful in cinema history. Sales for Potter dropped 93% in a matter of minutes, as breaking news of the topical adventure-drama created a riotous demand for ticket refunds across the nation.
One manager in Erie, Pennsylvania, having quickly re-reeled all seven of his sold-out theaters to show "Dancing With the Stars," told reporters, "the true magic of Harry Potter is in just how quickly he's disappeared."
The runaway success of 20th Century Fox's movie is not received without some skepticism, however, as many fans have complained of fraud at the box office. Claims teenager Hillary Mantelpiece, "I ordered tickets for Harry for me and fifteen friends on the phone. When we got here to pick them up, they had been changed to Dancing With the Stars." She adds, "It's okay, it's a good movie, I guess. But I really wanted to see Harry." Users on Fandango.com have reported similar problems, though key adminstrators deny that anything could possibly manipulate their automated ticket distribution systems.
When reached for comment, ex-Senator and Presidential hopeful Sarah Palin (Rep. Alaska) could only gush with a cheerful smugness over her daughter's success. In a plucky tie-in to the film's marketing campaign, Palin has announced her bid for the 2012 Presidency with her running-mate, former professional dancer Mark Ballas.
Happy with the record-shattering success of the film, 20th Century Fox has announced plans for a loosely connected follow-up sequel starring professional football receivers Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco.