Written by Neil Levine
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Thursday, 27 October 2005

Washington and New York-Having survived investigation after investigation into her finances, her family, her law associates and so on, probably because the Special Prosecutors failed to ask the wrong questions, and after having trashed G. W. Bush, Alfred E. Newman, the Republican Party and other targets of opportunity, Hillary Clinton has now gone from demanding probes of Karl Rove, Norvergence, Iraq intelligence and lack thereof, G. W. Bush's choices for federal judges and so forth, to demanding that sex in video games be investigated. Not just any video game, but the lollapalooza of the industry, "Grand Theft Auto," where car theft can not be put into reverse but the off chance of overaggressive kids finding a software key to secret sex worries a woman who believes in farming out the hot sweaty work.


"We should be deeply disturbed over this," she has said. "Guys get excited over such little things. Instant gratification is not good for you."


Senator Clinton compared the sale of violent and sex oriented video games with secret codes to the sales of alcohol and tobacco, apparently because she is afraid of drunk, cigar puffing kids, possibly taking her name in vain, cussing at objects of hatred and scorn, acting unruly, and running about unsupervised, potentially going at it in some unknown location. "Kids with an interest in sex have got to be straightened out. Sex is for adults under proper supervision."


"WE need laws with teeth," she said biting her lip.


"Sex can be awful. It takes a lot of work. You have to develop relationships. You have to stroke egos, some really biggies. There are all sorts of petty details to be worked out and kinks in the ointment always develop in the wrong places."


While there is no reasonable explanation of HC's sudden interest in sex, it is clear the gossip rags are no longer linking her to aliens and Elvis and sex under the table and are no longer checking her garbage, nor are they stalking her lonely husband, who remains at liberty and has been spotted giving free advice in Africa, New York and other hot spots.

It is unclear if Hillary attributes the secret urge by young men to discover sex to a vast right wing conspiracy or some other modern ill or political delusion.


Hillary's aim appears to be to straighten the country out before it wises up in some sort of dreamy state of irreverence.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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