Written by P.M. Wortham
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Monday, 15 November 2010

image for Jessica Simpson to Marry the Much Taller Eric Johnson
Jessica tripping over 6 inch heels during a dress fitting.

Middle aged men the world over mourn the weekend news that their favorite "Chicken of the Sea" and "Daisy Duke" girl, Jessica Simpson, will indeed marry an ex NFL football player, Eric Johnson.

Attracted lately to football players as opposed Hollywood or music industry celebrities, Jessica's gridiron dreams were apparently answered after striking out with Tony Romo, by literally bumping into Eric Johnson. Wealthy enough in his own right, Johnson, who stands at least a foot taller than Simpson even when she's in her three and a half inch Manolos, reportedly has "everything needed" to keep the blonde starlet happy. Ms. Simpson wouldn't elaborate on her "everything" comment.

No word on wedding plans or living arrangements. It seemed more important that the Simpson/Johnson announcement get made, especially following the news that former hubby Nick Lachay had just tied his own knot. On all accounts, both seem very happy about the upcoming nuptials, though no word yet from Johnson on how well Jessica spins.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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