Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 14 November 2010

image for Rebecca Ferguson - Simply The Best - But She Won't Win X-Factor
Rebecca's Performance Of 'Candle In The Wind' Brought A Tear To The Eye Of At Least One Cynical Old Bastard,

Desperate to get the real lowdown on the X-Factor, Skoob Entertainment News eventually managed to persuade eccentric English film director, Producer, and music critic Buffty Ginslinger to conduct an in-depth analysis of the remaining contestants and reveal for our viewers not necessarily who will win the contest, but who is the most talented performer.

It cost us a month's supply of free booze and cigarettes plus a cash advance which we can barely afford, but at least we got a result. Eventually. Once he'd sobered up.

In Buffty's opinion, Rebecca Ferguson stands head and shoulders above the other contestants with her flawless Aretha Franklinesque vocals, her self deprecating manner, and her natural poise, sense of style, and beauty.

But then Buffty amazed us by saying that, as talented as Rebecca may be, he considers that she has little chance of winning the 'contest,' He told us:

"Some bloody lump like Matt the one trick pony, Cher the one trick pony, Flaky Katie or that bloody song killer Aiden will probably win it. I hope not, but that's the way I envisage it panning out old boy. That bloody One Direction won't win it either, because there's only one of them has any bloody idea what the blinking blithering flip he's doing."

So, why shouldn't Rebecca win it, we asked our very own freeloading supremo?

"Because she's too bloody good," Buffty told us. "She's got a great future as a jazz/R&B singer, and she'll make millions. But she's too sophisticated for the rabble she plays to. She's a real pearl cast before absolute fucking swine dear boy. The reality of it is that she should win it at a canter - she brought a tear to this old cynic's eye singing 'Candle In The Wind' - but she won't. The reason? As I said before, that girl is genuine quality, and the fiX Factor wouldn't know quality if it walked up and head butted them in the bollocks."

More as we get it.

Here's more.

We told you so.

A class act lost out to a mediocre pub singer.

But Rebecca has a future extending way beyond this, or the next thirty Christmases.

Thanks Liverpool for another class act.

Now, let the world decide.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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