Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 13 November 2010

image for X-Factor's Katie Waissel Attacked By Giant Gorilla
It Wasn't Me Mate. I'm Innocent, Me.

Sources close to X-Factor hate figure Katie Waissel revealed today that on several occasions, the singer has come close to quitting the show.

Katie, who has been absolutely slaughtered by the media was apparently sick and tired of being voted in the bottom two and having to sing-off for her future suppers.

She was reportedly also deeply disturbed by the Cheryl Cole voting controversy which prompted in excess of 2,000 protests to TV watchdog groups.

But apparently the final straw came when she was attacked by a giant gorilla whilst on a shopping trip with a mystery man in London's fashionable Knightsbridge.

The source told us that a terrified Katie was confronted by the gorilla at approximately 3:25pm on Thursday, and then repeatedly bounced off a department store window by the giant ape.

Onlookers gasped in horror as Katie's mystery man attempted to stop the episode of giant gorilla bullying, but was swatted aside by the big hairy ape - almost stumbling directly into the path of an oncoming bus.

According to onlookers, the giant gorilla then fled the scene on a vintage 1960s model Lambretta motor scooter, flashing a near hysterical Katie a 'V' sign as it manoeuvered the scooter out into the traffic.

It's reported that Katie then returned unharmed but badly shaken to the X-Factor house and started to flirt outrageously with pony-tailed Brazilian contestant Wagner Carillho.

The theme of tonight's show is Elton John.

Heaven help us all.

More as we get it.

But not in a gay way.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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