Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 12 November 2010

image for Katie Price Finally Hits The Big Time - The Alan Titchmarsh Show!
Problems With Plants? Call Titchmarsh. Or Katie Price.

Breaking news: Katie Price has finally arrived! The uber breasted former topless model and pissed up party tramp has really hit the big time with a guest appearance on The Alan Titchmarsh Show.

Alongside Christine Hamilton, who once made a drunken sex pest of herself on a show with Louis Theroux, and Ashley Green, a loud American critic, or something. Nobody really seems altogether sure what the heck Ashley is.

The show kicked off with a movie review, where Katie stingily only gave the movie 'Kick Ass' two points because "it's got kids and violence in it, innit."

Mind you - she did wear a poppy. No one is sure exactly whose idea that was. One viewer tweeted on twitter that she probably thought it was a nice buttonhole.

Indeed.

Following a slightly demented rendition of Strauss by Andre Rieu with loads of lady fiddlers in big puffy dresses and a CD plug, some idiot who built a house made out of old tractor tyres in France featured, along with Kevin McCloud out of Grand Designs who twatted on about how scared he was once in Sheffield. He then plugged his book. Quelle surprise!

People were tweeting in like the clappers at this point on twitter because they wanted to see Katie Price finally hit the big time, even though there was little or no chance of her exposing her big lungs before the watershed.

Then, after a really boring segment about arsehole and testicle eating jungle freakshow 'I'm A Celeb' with David VanDay, Christine Hamilton (again) and some skinny assed blonde bird, Jordan aka Katie finally made it.

The first thing she did was plug her book. (?) Then she banged on about how difficult it is living life in the 'celebrity bubble' and the usual old BS.

But the bottom line is that she made it onto 'The Alan Titchmarsh Show.' It really doesn't get much bigger than that.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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