Written by El Capitaz
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Topics: Harry Potter

Friday, 12 November 2010

image for J. K. Rowling announces revised "Harry Potter" schedule
Harry Pottter III, pictured here, to be introduced in the 63rd film.

After meeting with Oprah Winfrey recently, J. K. Rowling has realized that there are people with more money than her. She has therefore decided to continue milking the "Harry Potter" franchise indefinitely.

"The first clue should be the title of the next installment...'The Final Chapter...Part 1'" She chuckled during our telephone interview.

"At first, we worried about the actors growing up, growing too old to play the part of adolescent wizards. Of course, adding the element of a budding romance kept the machine printing money for the last couple chapters...but I've realized now that if I'm ever going to have more money than Oprah, I can never stop.

So we have to plan further ahead--much further ahead. I don't want to reveal too much, but let me just give you a few of the titles we have in mind. In a few decades you can expect 'Harry Potter and the Dentures of Doom'. 'Harry Potter and Hermione's Menopause' will anchor the chapters in the decades after that. I have several films planned revolving around 'Harry Potter and the Gallstones of Fire'. The 'Boars Blood Retirement Home for Aging Wizards' will be introduced in 'Harry Potter and the Bedpans of Ice'.

I don't want to reveal too much" the famous author concluded. "But needles to say, we've lagged behind in our cross-marketing efforts. Lack of progress in video games, musical soundtracks, fast food promotions, action figures, we've just dropped the ball. So to make up for that, we'll just have to keep churning out movies relentlessly. I won't stop until I have enough money to hire Oprah to scrub my loo."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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