Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 12 November 2010

image for Taylor Lautner Confesses He's Fallen For Lily Collins
A very expensive imported Peruvian necklace that Taylor gave Lily on their second date.

LOS ANGELES - Taylor Lautner the star of the Twilight series of movies has reportedly confided to his chauffeur Pettigrew "Zoom Zoom" Candlechip that he has fallen head-over-heels for Lily Collins.

The 18-year-old Lautner said that unlike his most recent girlfriends Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, or Sara Hicks, Lily at 21, is three years older than him.

Collins, is the daughter of the legendary rock icon Phil Collins. She is an actress as well as a writer who has written for several publications including Seventeen, Teen Vogue, The Los Angeles Times, Clearasil Illustrated, and The French Kiss Revue.

Taylor said that contrary to what some members of the Hollywood media are saying he was not initially attracted to Lily because of her full luscious lips, nor her flawless thighs, nor her Brooke Shieldesque eyebrows.

Lautner grinned and said that what first attracted him to Lily was the fact that she is older than him and that she had the most nubile sweater treats that he has seen in a long, long time.

Lily noted that what first attracted her to Taylor was the fact that he resembled Justin Bieber, except with a much bigger nose, bigger muscles, and a bigger wallet.

The two have said that they both enjoy working crossword puzzles together, playing Pictionary, and making out like a pair of sex-crazed 16-year-olds.

In other news. Ann Coulter who stands 6 foot 3 inches tall and weighs 84 pounds has stated emphatically that she is not now nor has she ever been anorexic. She says that her skinniness is due to her family genes and the fact that she only eats once a day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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