HOLLYWOOD - A highly placed unnamed source has stated that the rumblings over at the 'Eye' Network (CBS) are that there is a distinct possibility that Charlie Sheen could be axed from television's number one situation comedy Two And A Half Men.
The source, who spoke on grounds of complete and total anonymity, stated that the network honchos are just sick and tired of having to babysit their 1.25 million dollar per week out-of control, highly dysfunctional asset (ass?).
One executive stated that by providing Sheen with the highest salary in the history of television they are merely helping to enable him to continue his lavish life style which will cause him to possibly end up like Lindsay Lohan or worse.
It appears to many fans of the hit show that Charlie Sheen is having tremendous difficulty trying to separate the real Charlie Sheen from the TV character Charlie Harper.
Many have written saying that it seems like for the past three episodes Charlie Sheen has merely gone through the motions of reading Charlie Harper's lines with a drink in his hand and a glassy, faraway look in his eyes.
Lulu Nockyswag, 38, of Lick Fork, Virginia, and a big fan of the show stated that she remembers other TV personalities who portrayed drunks such as Dean Martin, Foster Brooks, and Otis of the old Andy Griffith Show, but they were merely acting drunk, whereas, Sheen is not acting drunk, he is drunk...and damn effen drunk at that, Nockyswag added.
Another fan of the show Sylvester B. Fickendacker, 26, of West Thumb, Wyoming, said that he used to love watching the show with his three-year-old twins Buffy and Biffy, but since the Harper character has started cavorting with hookers on a regular basis he has switched over to watching Dancing With The Stars instead.
Meanwhile CBS executives are scampering to find a possible replacement. One name that is being bandied around is Edison Pena, one of the Chilean miners.
Pena has appeared on the David Letterman Show and other news programs and he even ran in the New York City Marathon and made a great showing especially considering he did not train and recently spent 70 days stuck in a damn friggin mine.
A spokesperson for Two And A Half Men stated that Edison would be brought in as Charlie Harper's long lost cousin Juanito De La Cerveza who comes to visit from Chile and decides to stay when he learns that there are three women back home who have told their daddies that Juanito promised to marry them and give them all lots and lots of babies.
On the show Edison's character will work as an Elvis Presley impersonator at the '55 Low Rider Lounge in La Brea.
The shows executives have decided that the Malibu beach house will now belong to Juanito. His cousin Alan Harper (Jon Cryer) and Alan's son Angus T. Jones (Jake) will continue living in the house as well.
SIDENOTE: Conchata Ferrell who portrays Berta the hefty housekeeper will reportedly have an affair with Juanito after she learns that all of his three girlfriends back in Chile weighed over 265 pounds each.