Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 10 November 2010

image for Country Crooner Randy Travis Divorces Wife and Now Wants To Marry His Married Mistress (Now There's a Country Song If I've Ever Heard One!)
A photo of the guitar that was given to Randy Travis by Charlie Sheen.

NASHVILLE - Randy Travis, the 51-year-old country singer who has had 16 number hits, has admitted that the real reason that he divorced his wife of 19 years was in order to marry another (married) woman.

Travis' ex-wife, Libby Hatcher, who was also his manager and 18 years older than Randy, responded by saying that Randy is a country liar and that he divorced her because earlier this year she developed a little bit of cellulite on her upper thighs.

Libby said that Randy started hollering and screaming and saying that she was not taking care of herself. Libby said she yelled back at him that she was 69-years-old and that she knows young women who are 29 who have not only cellulite, but stretch marks, spider veins, blemishes, tattoos, and body piercings as well.

She said that Randy replied that's true but that they were not married to him. She then asked him if he had ever really taken a good look at himself in the mirror.

He asked her why. And she replied, "Well for one thing Bubba, you look like a hillbilly version of that green clay animated character Gumby. You have more friggin teeth than Donny Osmond. Your Adam's apple resembles an eggplant. And you could easily rent out your forehead as an effen billboard.

Randy's mouth dropped causing his tongue to fall out of his mouth. "Oh" Libby added, "And you have a freakin tongue that a milk cow would be damn proud of."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Randy Travis is reportedly going to marry Mary Beougher, 51, the wife of his dentist just as soon as Mary can find the time to file for divorce.]

Libby was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey and she told Miss O that in their divorce settlement she kept their 220 acre ranch along with their 28,000 square foot Santa Fe mansion in New Mexico.

Oprah asked Libby what Randy got. Libby smiled and said that Randy got the eff out of her life. The audience erupted in applause. Afterwards Libby said that Randy got his 49 cowboy hat collection, his Buffalo Bill Commemorative Buffalo Rifle, and his Hopalong Cassidy underwear.

SIDENOTE: Randy says that he has already written a song about the whole situation. He has titled it, "I Gosh Darn Went And Dang Left Ya 'Cause Ya Kept On Burnin' The Chicken And Dumpling's Dumpling."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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