Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 10 November 2010

image for X-Factor Is Not Fixed States Compulsive Liar
The X-Factor Opium Poppy Corruption Pancake Roll Wars Revisited.

On the day that Swindon was officially recognised as Britain's dumbest town, Skoob Entertainment News reporters came across a compulsive liar who insisted that popular TV show the X-Factor couldn't possibly be fixed.

Jethro Ooarr, 27, told SEN that the X-Factor cannot possibly be fixed because Cheryl Cole is such a sweetie, Simon Cowell is obviously a man of honour, Dannii Minogue is Kylie's sister, Louis Walsh is a bit odd, and Dermot O Leary talks too fast.

Jethro slammed internet campaigns calling for votes for Brazilian nut Wagner Carillho to win the contest, saying that it wasn't playing fair and that Katie Waissel should win the contest because she has a nice tattoo on her ankle.

Failing that, he told us that he'd like to see Tesco Mary win because she looks a lot like his Auntie Brenda.

Others in Swindon were not so convinced. We stopped a man firing imaginary bullets from a toy gun at passers by and hiding behind litter bins and asked him what he thought of the X-Factor?

"It be fixed," he told us, as he ducked behind a litter bin and fired an imaginary round at a passing security guard. "S'obvious innit. Treyc got more votes but still got voted off. Look out! Incoming! Christ - that was close! To be honest though, I be more interested in the Burmese elections. Oi've 'eard them's fixed. And that Cameron bloke tryin' to tell them Chineseys what to do. China's a fix too, if'n you ask I's. Don't reckon they'll pay him much mind though. I 'eard them kicked off over the Brits wearin' poppies - said it put 'em in mind of the opium wars, back when the British Empire was the world's top drug dealers. Anyway, gots to go. Got some 'ostages to liberate an' that innit."

Definitive reporting? Probably not.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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