The world of showbiz is reeling from the double shock revelation that not only is Cher Lloyd a twelve year old boy, but Cheryl Cole is related to her...him.
Not many people are expressing surprise at the revelation of Cheryl Cole being male however, as some sources have said that it has been widely gossiped that she is an ex builder in a spangley frock, 'have you seen 'er fucking 'ands?' said one showbiz insider and according to another celeb in cider, Coles manly jawline has been the topic of many a discussion over an after dinner lemon parfait in polite social circles for some time now.
Ashley Cole was tracked down to an alley behind a night club, where he had just been informed of the news about his ex wife. 'I can't believe it' said the stricken footy star, as he wiped himself down 'I should have realised, all that time she was asking for "batty boom boom", what a fool I have been'
Some doubt has been cast over Cher Lloyds continuing in X-Factor now it has been revealed that she is related to one of the judges, but Simon Cowel has stepped forward and said that 'I am fine with him/her staying in the show and anyway I can't really say anything as I'm his mum!'
*More revelations to come as the medication kicks in*