Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 9 November 2010

image for X-Factor's Katie Waissel Hits The Bottle and Begins Her Unbridled Ranting and Raving
London Bus #52, which is carrying Katie Waissel to perform on last week's X-Factor.

LONDON - Katie Waissel, who found herself in X-Factor's bottom two this weekend, reportedly smuggled in a bottle of Robin Hood Straight-As-An-Arrow Whisky into her dressing room and proceeded to drink away her depressed disappointment.

The 24-year-old former waitress from Harefield, West London, truly feels that she is the best singer in the competition and she feels that she is not receiving the respect and adulation that someone of her talented talent deserves.

Simon Cowell was said to be beside himself and he threatened to have Waissel dismissed from the competition on grounds of excessive imbibing, which is a rule that is clearly written in the X-Factor Manual of Rules and Directives.

Waissel, who Cheryl Cole said was prancing around backstage dressed in black bra and matching panties, told Louis Walsh that Cowell is mistaken because she has read the manual twice and no where does it mention anything that restricts competitors from drinking if they so desire, as long as they do not pose a danger to themselves, the judges, the host, the audience members, the other contestants, or Gladys Mintshadow, the show's hair stylist.

Walsh informed Ms. Waissel that she is mistaken and that if she continues to rant and rave and act like a cheap, backstreet tart she will not only be disqualified from any further competition, but she will also be jailed for second degree audacity, which in London, is now punishable by up to three weeks in jail.

Katie laughed and said that the law he mentioned only applies in outlying towns and villages such as Tottenham, Walton-On-Thames, and Upper Norwood.

Dannii Minogue walked in and heard Katie. Minogue walked up to her and told her that she is so sick and tired of her drama queen antics that she will personally drive her down to Upper Norwood herself.

SIDENOTE: Queen Elizabeth, who always watches X-Factor with her husband Prince Philip, told a reporter for The London Hand-Held Daily Mirror that they both voted for Cher Lloyd.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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