"Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark," which had been slated to open on Broadway on Dec. 21, now will not open until January.
Investigative reporting at The Spoof reveals that Spider-Man's co-stars lay the blame for the delays squarely on the star of the show. But Spider-Man just shrugs and says, "Being on time was never my strong suit. Constantly dealing with webs just does that to you."
These are some of the complaints his co-stars have about him:
--Instead of concentrating on rehearsing, he insists on reading aloud over and over again his two favorite Spider-Man stories: Man in the Mummy Case and There Are Martians Among Us. "How boring can you get?" whispered a member of the cast to an interviewer from The Spoof.
--When an emergency arises in the city (as announced by police sirens or fire trucks, for example), Spider-Man stops rehearsals and rushes into the street to offer help.
--If anybody spots a spider in the theater, he insists on examining it under a microscope to make sure it isn't radioactive. He wants to make sure that no one else replicates what happened to him. That is, being bitten by a radioactive spider and, as a result, getting special powers. He is selfish enough to want to be the only one alive with super powers.
One of the actors in the show hopes that the following message can be delivered anonymously to Spider-Man: "Grow up, you're almost half a century old, for Pete's sake. We know you want to save the world. But how about saving THIS play and the jobs of all your co-workers? C'mon Spidey, have a heart!"