Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: kim kardashian, cd

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

image for Kim Kardashian Hires Milli Vanilli to Produce Debut CD
No Need to record anything Kim, Please.

Following in the footsteps of all those media stars and starlets who have convinced themselves that they can sing too, Kim Kardashian has announced that she will produce a pop album featuring, of course, the sound styling of Kim Kardashian.

With a little help from Milli Vanilli, reportedly one of Kim's retro favorite pop bands, Kardashian needs as much help as she can get to get this album to press and on the market. "Content really doesn't matter", says co-producer MC Tone Def . "We need to get this on the street to take advantage of the hype around my girl Kim. Whatever we need, tone machine, stand in singers, beat box band, whatever".

Milli Vanilli offered their perspective on Kim's project as well, clearly an advocate for image over substance. "All she needs to do is move those full, luscious lips to the words and shake that booty in a couple of music videos, and this thing goes platinum", says Milli. Vanilli responded, "Yo".

Insiders tell reporters that Kardashian has already put down five sample tracks based mostly on music samples from Christina Aguilera. The soon to be hits include:

"Bruce is a Dweeb, but Bangs my Mom's Gong All Night So We Like Him"
"Don't you Wish You Had an Ass Like Mine, an Ass Like Mine, an Ass Like Mine"
"Love is Whatever I Think it is, at the Time, Baby"
"I am Not a Retard. I Are a Smart Business Woman"
"Make Love to Me Slowly, But Don't Wipe Your Dick on My Pillowcase"

Def admits, "Those are Kim's working titles, so we need to tweak them a bit before we hit market, but I personally guarantee the sound will be as wide and PHAT as Kim's ass".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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