Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: Tom Cruise, Hospital

Friday, 1 July 2005

image for Tom Cruise Freaks Out in Brooke Shields' Bed

After an ugly scene that ended in Brooke Shields' bedroom, actor Tom Cruise was taken away in a straight jacket. According to his publicist, Tom Cruise had to be restrained in a straight jacket as he was taken to a mental hospital. After being given several hours of electro-shock therapy and massive doses of mind-altering drugs, Cruise was said to be calmed down. "I saw Tom after his shock therapy, and he had a very faint smile on his face. He was no longer jumping up and down on the bed and ranting about Scientology and his new girlfriend, Katie Holmes."

In spite of being totally zonked out on mind-altering drugs, Tom Cruise was heard to mumble, "I'm going to drop Katie and Scientology. I'm going back to Nichole and Catholicism! If Nicky won't have me, I'll become a Priest!"

Nicole Kidman could not be reached for immediate comment, but Pope Benedict made a brief statement in which said that he would welcome Tom Cruise back into the Church.

Leaving her weekly 12-hour appointment at Jacques' Hair Removal Spa, Brooke Shields refused to say how Tom Cruise wound up jumping up and down on her bed, but did offer to say, "Tom has some very deep issues with his own birth and his mother - who went insane after giving birth to Tom." Picking away at a large patch of stubble that Jacques left on her chin, Brooke said that she was glad that Tom was getting the much-needed shock therapy. "I told Tom that after he is given a clean bill of heath by his team of psychiatrists, that I would arrange a little three-way with Nicole and me - but only if he drops that no-talent Katie Holmes. I sure don't want her hanging around my bedroom!"

In Australia, after hearing about Brooke Shields' offer, Nicole Kidman said, "Now that's pretty interesting. If something like that would have come up a few years ago, Tom and I probably would not have gone through with the divorce. I could get into a thing with Brooke, she's kind of cute in a furry way..."

But poor little Katie Holmes must be wondering where she fits in...


"I haven't heard from my Tom in a few days...
I wonder what he's up to?"



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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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