Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 29 October 2010

image for Wagner Carrilho To Survive This Week's X-Factor
Katie Waissel Letting Off Steam Yesterday

X-Factor insiders today revealed exclusively to Skoob Entertainment News that Wagner Carillho will survive this week's vote off.

And that it won't be fixed.

Even though the karate kicking Brazilian pony tailed eccentric can't sing or dance or really do all that much of anything truly worthwhile.

The fact remains that the big lump holds a certain morbid fascination for a baying public, who want to keep him on the show, if only to see what song he's going to completely bugger up next.

Last week, Wagner murdered the Spice Girls and Ricky Martin (but not in a gay way) and the viewers loved it.

"He's bloody terrible," Martin Shuttlecock - a dashingly handsome 27 year old superstud, originally from Salford but now residing in the Portsmouth area* - told us. "But you can't help but love the silly sod. The others are all as boring as arseholes. I'll be phoning in my vote for Wagner tomorrow, in support of Simon Cowbell's excessively extravagant lifestyle. And I've put the word out up the shops that if people want the X-Factor to continue providing laughs they should vote for Wagner."

The favourites to face the chop this week are piss poor girl band Belle Amie and newly crowned rock chick Trayc, while Cher Lloyd (the half pint with a big attitude) and Katie Waissel (currently steering public opinion away from the negative and firmly into the positive) are confidently expected to breeze through.

In a vote that is definitely not rigged.

More as we get it.

* Independent observers have informed us that Martin Shuttlecock's description of himself as described herein is completely misleading. He is actually a grumpy old git with a bad back who looks like a proper twat in a pork pie hat. (Which the deluded idiot thinks makes him look a bit like a youthful Robert DeNiro. Dream on Shuttlecock.)

Update - Don't say you weren't warned.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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