Written by anthonyrosania
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Thursday, 28 October 2010

image for Fresh Beats' Shayna Rose Now Only Young Star Never to be Arrested, Rehabbed, or Photographed Without Panties
ABOVE: The Fresh Beat Band's Shayna Rose.

26-year-old actress Shayna Rose, widely acclaimed for such memorable TV roles as 'Girl #2', 'Onlooker #5' and 'The Younger Wench' before becomming Marina on Nick, Jr.'s pandering "The Fresh Beat Band", has been named the only female actress under 30 who has not been arrested, rehabbed or been the subject of a split beav shot by papazazzi.

AZT: Keeping Magic's Johnson Alive Since 1991.

AZT was the first approved treatment for HIV, and a major f--king breakthrough for AIDS patients, who were dropping like ... well, like Magic Johnson's sexual partners until then.

AZT slows HIV spread significantly, but does not stop it entirely, eventually making the HIV retrovirus, AZT-resistant. Still, AZT turned AIDS into a manageable, cronic condition, instead of the assured death sentence it was theretofore, thank God.

Lord, forgive me...

...but I think Shayna Rose is hawt. She looks like such a dirty girl.

"It is great to see such a sprightly red-head win the award," said former inmate #46245, Lindsay Lohan, who has been ineligible for the award since she was 7. "Is the interview over? Come on, you promised me a pack of Parliament Lights if I spoke to you. Gimme them, you f--king a--hole!!!"

Despite never being the focus of a TMZ expose', Shayna is clear that she is not the good-girl her Fresh Beats character seems to be.

"My contract prevents me from doing two things: Acting in an immoral way in public, and actually learning how to play the instrument I pretend to play on the show. Everything else is available to me."

When not breaking the fourth wall on Fresh Beats, and pandering to the preschoolers who idolize her, Shayna has been known to stay up past 10PM, order not one but two Starbucks cappuchinos, and wow churchgoers with public displays of affection between she and her husband, actor Tinky-Winky Teletubby.

"One time, I was playing Monopoly with my castmates," said Rose. "When I stole Marvin Gardens from the banker, and kept it for myself. Pretty wild, huh?"

But, what did her castmates say?

"I don't know if they noticed. Twist and Kiki were doing rails in Kiki's trailer, and Shout said his AZT treatment makes him groggy, so he fell asleep.'

Make anthonyrosania's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 2?

5 10 20 8

Go to top