Written by Morse
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Topics: charlie sheen

Tuesday, 26 October 2010

image for Wild, Naked, Coked Charlie Sheen Blames Bed Bug Plague for Hotel Rant!
Sheen Finds Dusting Yourself with Coke Instead of DDT Won't Keep Bed Bugs Away!

Security at the NY Plaza Hotel were called in after a disturbance in a Penthouse Suite after adjoining residents complained of a crescendo of broken furniture, bed post pounding, and loud cries of ecstasy disturbed them in the early morning hours.

Forcing entry into the $2500 a night suite, responders were confronted with a nude Charlie Sheen amidst a rubble of broken furniture, half eaten room service entrees and an equally nude female co-inhabitant who claimed she was on an 'out patient call."

Charlie was seen curled up in a fetal ball, feverishly scratching his nuts while screaming, "These fucking bed bugs are going to eat me alive!"

This appears to be just the latest in an outbreak of bed bugs infesting almost all of New Yorks best places, and just today prompted Mayor Richard "DICK" Blumenthal to appoint a "Bed Bug Czar" to solve the massive PR problem for the city prior to the winter tourist and shopping season.

While off camera, but not off mike, Blumenthal was heard to exclaim, "these fucking blood suckers are worse than Wrangle (sic), Sharpton, Weiner and Shumer.....we've got to stamp the BASTARDS out now before they take us all down!"

Charlie's agent for his successful show "Two and a Half Men" said Charlie was having a bad reaction to some 'cough medicine' he bought on the street corner from a Pharmacist identified only as "Snow Man".

Sheen was transported in restraining straps to the local emergency room where he was joined by former wife Denise Richards and their two children, who just happened to be staying at the same hotel, but not in adjoining suites. Richards said she had never known Charlie to take drugs, and personally was ignorant of any thing involving drugs, "I'm just your average stay at home Mom...what do I know about 'chippin' she said demurely.

Sheen's current wife, Brooke Mueller, who he was recently accused of trying to kill in a flashback moment of his role in the violent Viet Nam movie, "Platoon" is said to still be 'resting' in the very private rehab center after the couple had a 'bad spell' after ingesting' tainted aspirins' which they tried to melt on a spoon and inject between their toes.

Sheen's guest, who said she was a 'Physical Massage Therapist' declined to give her name, but did seem to be concerned that Charlie hadn't signed the American Express Charge Card for her services prior to his 'fit.'

Pictures of Sheen curled up in a fetal ball, along with his nude playmate are available on line at :

Bugshitscratchmysack.com.

A modest shipping and handling fee is included in the price, but if you act now, a full length video of Charley and Wife Brooke doing the tango in the broom closet in rehab is included at no extra cost.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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