Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 26 October 2010

image for Mel Gibson Claims 1960's Drink Was Named After Him

Recently released from the local county courthouse following temporary incarceration for being drunk (and stupid) in public and after trying to file divorce papers against himself, Mel Gibson was heard rambling on the steps of the court with claims that he had actually invented the Gibson Martini.

Long thought to have been the invention of Charles Dana Gibson, a teetotaler who added an onion to a martini glass filled with water to make it look as if he was actually joining the party, Mel Gibson seemed to be convinced that he was the actual inventor. Most passersby reportedly felt sad for the man who was gradually being reduced to this festering pile of congealed whale snot, clinging to anything that could possibly connect him to a glimmer of fame or a historical reference to what once was. Others who saw Gibson on the steps claim to have heard him whimper the words, "Lethal Weapon" and "Brett Maverick" while he sobbed into his open palms.

Gibson fan, current resident of the Los Angeles County jail, and three time loser on assault and battery charges, Ben Dover, claims to understand Gibson's plight. "I mean, the man is just trying to maintain his crib and protect his cheese, you know what I'm saying. And for that he gets bashed in the press and dumped on by them Hollywood suits. I'd be looking for a little respect my own damn self".

As far as claims for inventing the Gibson Martini, there seems to be enough generally acceptable history to support that the other Gibson did invent the combination as a way to disguise the fact that he was drinking water. Onion flavored water, no less. This reporter isn't sure who was more pathetic. The guy who actually invented that lame combination, or the guy wanting to claim to be the guy who invented that lame combination.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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