Former actor, bigot, hot head and for some unknown reason that defies a rational explanation, sex symbol, Mel Gibson has decided to file divorce papers against himself in Los Angeles County claiming irreconcilable differences.
Following another day of bad news for Gibson including being dropped from the cast of his latest film, while learning that his former allegedly battered girlfriend had just been offered a spread, if you'll pardon the pun, in Playboyz Magazine, Gibson reportedly went on a bender. After three hours of cheap tequila consumption mixed with six cans of Red Bull, Gibson was heard by neighbors having a heated argument with himself. "At the peak of the argument, we heard Mel scream that he wanted a divorce, which seemed odd considering he was the only one in the house", says Tanya Buttercream, Gibson's immediate neighbor to the West.
The yelling continued until Gibson apparently barged out of his own home that afternoon and drove off in a huff to file divorce papers with the county. "It's amazing that he didn't crash into anything on the way", says Buttercream. "I mean Tiger Woods couldn't back out of his own driveway unscathed, and he was completely sober. By the way", said Buttercream, looking to add her name to Tiger's hit list, "He's got a fabulous putter".
Gibson was detained at the courthouse and held temporarily for being drunk (and stupid) in public, though no charges were filed for driving while under the influence of alcohol. Sergeant Will Shoenstein reports, "Nobody actually witnessed Gibson drive in, we couldn't actually charge him with DUI. As far as honoring the divorce request, that was new ground for us. If the man can't live with himself, that's a job for Dr. Phil or Dr. Drew. We don't do split personality, battery cases here". Pausing for a moment, Shoenstein added, "OK, we do, but we're just sick of Mel's shit and decided to kick him to the curb. Go lethal weapon that, bitch".