Written by P.M. Wortham
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Monday, 25 October 2010

image for Jessica Simpson seen with Famous Author in London
Simpson with great drinking ability

On the eve of what is touted to be the world's most sought after drinking competition championship, Jessica Simpson was seen cavorting with PM Wortham, a depraved and lascivious hack satirical writer, at the Oasis Bar & Grille in London.

Apparently in training for Monday night's qualifying round, both Simpson and Wortham were taking turns at speed drinking pints of Skoob's Frogmore IPA. Wortham was reportedly struggling to relax his throat and finish the pint, while Simpson proved to be well trained in avoiding her gag reflex while downing several pints of the golden liquid.

Simpson, who looks considerably taller on the big screen seemed to be dwarfed by Wortham at nearly two meters tall, though the man was bested by Simpson with each attempt. "She clearly has the edge in the speed drinking category", said Wortham, "and I'd really like to test out that gag reflex of hers myself".

Wortham's drinking coach, a certain ex-military man who chose to remain nameless, that was until the inebriated Wortham blurted his name out at the rail, suggested that Wortham's talent lies better in the volume category. "He can't drink fast", said the man only known as Morse, "But he can drink quite a bit. Hollow leg, and head if you ask me".

The OB&G Halloween drinking competition is slated for its first preliminary round this Monday, with the competition running all week. The management suggests you bring your own bucket, breath mints and a towel.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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