Written by Bureau
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 23 October 2010

image for Robert Pattinson Checks Himself Into L.A. Clinic

Reports from those closest to actor Robert Pattinson say that the young actor is having some serious mental problems over constant nightmares about his recently discovered ancestor, Vlad the Impaler.

"He's not sleeping well at all", stated one Source. "He uses a lot of make-up to hide the circles under his eyes but that looks worse than ever. He's beginning to look like a mannequin of Robert Pattinson. He grew that beard then immediately shaved it off after being kidded by his friends."

"He's also falling asleep at odd times", stated Daryl Hampton another friend. "He never drives anymore and he is seeking help."

"I think he's going into a sleep clinic or some type of clinic", stated the same Source who first spoke to reporters. "He's been keeping it a secret but reporters are beginning to catch on that something is wrong, by his appearance."

The clinic Pattinson is checking into is apparently in Los Angeles.

"Please don't do those weird headlines "Pattinson Cracks! Tries To Impale Friends!", requested the Source.

According to a report we have just now received, Pattinson has already checked into the clinic. Apparently, he tries to stay awake in order not to have the horrible nightmares.

We're sure that constantly playing a vampire and going to eastern Europe to study about Vlad has brought on all his recent troubles.

"Kristen says he cackles in his sleep...Ooops, never mind!"

"Cackles?"

Looks like I'm being told to leave. This is Chester Ingraham for UP2.

Make Bureau's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 plus 2?

9 20 12 5

Go to top