Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Lindsay Lohan

Friday, 22 October 2010

image for Lindsay Lohan Complains that Rehab, Not Flaming Drug Addiction, Is Ruining Her Career

Lindsay Lohan, who is such a f--k-up sh-tstorm generator that her admitted lesbianism wasn't even newsworthy, told her probation officer that continued, inpatient treatment would be a hardship financially, and damaging to her what's left of her career.

"She needs to get back to work, immediately," said Dina Lohan, Lindsay's parasitic mother, who receives 10% of all of Lindsay's earnings. "I haven't had a facelift in months!"

According to documents prepared for today's hearing, Lindsay is focused on exactly what she should: Her sh-tty clothing line, which she claims is 'falling apart because she is not available to monitor the product.'

"She complained about her clothing line, not being able to start a movie in November, and her perfume line," said a source in the probation department. "Not once did she mention anything about being sober. Twat."

"Lindsay absolutely believes that rehab has been a positive experience," said Michael Lohan, wearing his 'pay attention to me' t-shirt outside of the Betty Ford clinic. "It looks like the 242nd time is the charm. Not... Not that I know this for sure. I haven't spoken to Lindsay since she was 14."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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