HOLLYWOOD - Bristol Palin's Dancing With The Stars professional dance partner Mark Ballas has just about run out of tricks to try and help his partner Bristol Palin try and look a little bit better than last year's Kate "Graceless" Gosselin.
This week, the DWTS theme was television theme songs. And Mark and Bristol danced to the theme from the Monkees show. Mark had both of them dress up in ape suits, but everyone still knew it was Bristol, because she danced just as bad with the suit on as she does without the suit.
You have got to hand it to Ballas because he is being asked to work some magic that the masters such as David Blaine, David Copperfield, and even the great Harry Houdini himself could not accomplish.
With each new show 'little' Bristol Palin looks more and more like a fish out of water and it clearly shows in her frightened doe eyes.
One can easily see that at this point, Bristy would much rather be back home in Wasilla, Alaska listening to her iPod while baking white chocolate chip cookies than to be dancing before millions of people including the three judges who have really been extremely kind to the young lady (after all it was her birthday).
Len "The Grouch" Goodman said that Bristol is coming along and that in about eight months or so she should show some noticeable signs of improvement.
Carrie Ann Inaba remarked that Bristol has nice long hair and Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli pointed out that Bristol, who had a child out of wedlock, has publicly stated that the next time she has a baby, she will be married to the baby's father. Everyone gave her a standing ovation except for hosts Tom Bergeron and Brooke Burke who were already standing.
The judges gave Palin three 6's, which put her in last place. Poor Bristol when asked what she thought about the low judges scores simply smiled and said "It sucks."
An insider, whose job is to keep track of such sayings and clichés, noted that young Palin has now uttered that two word phrase a total of sixteen times in the five weeks that she has been on the show.
The ex-governor of Alaska and ex-future mother-in-law of the next mayor of Wasilla Levi Johnston, was asked to comment on her daughter's performance. The elder Palin paused and then stated, "Ya know, gosh darnit, it looks like my little Bristol just ain't no Jennifer Grey now is she?"
SIDENOTE: Reports from the Dancing With The Stars set are that Bristol has already gased up her truck in preparation for the long trip back to Alaska.