Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 18 October 2010

image for Justin Bieber Pleads Innocent To Laser Tag Assault Charges
A photo of the 12-year-old boy who claims that Justin Bieber assaulted him.

RICHMOND, British Columbia, Canada - Justin Bieber has pleaded innocent to charges that he assaulted a 12-year-old boy during a game of laser tag at The Interplanetary Laser World Arcade.

Bieber says that he was minding his own business when the boy, identified only as 'boy x' began taunting him by calling him names after Justin had reportedly shot him.

When asked what names 'boy x' was calling him, Bieber blushed and said that he didn't want to repeat them but did say that they rhymed with beer, bag, and bomo.

He was asked if the words were queer, fag, and homo, Bieber nodded his head in the affirmative.

'Boy x' meanwhile said that he did not call Bieber any of the above names and that he simply had asked him for his autograph. He said that when Bieber said that he did not feel like writing because his hand was hurting he just replied okay that's fine.

Bieber then used an Old West cliche and told the boy to 'dance.' The boy said that he did not feel like dancing. He then added that at that point was when Bieber unloaded on him with both hands and feet.

Bieber said that the boy was a blooming liar and that he had actually used curse words that even his own mother has never used in front of him.

The arcade manager Francois Du Souffle said that he had no choice but to ask young Bieber to leave since he felt that he was afraid that he may assault someone else and start a mini-riot.

The young boy's father, identified as 'father x,' who happens to be an attorney, said that he called the police and asked that Justin Bieber be arrested. The police took down Bieber's cell phone number and told him not to leave the country until the situation is settled.

Bieber has pleaded innocent to the assault charges.

SIDENOTE: Justin Bieber told the boy's father that he is willing to give the boy some CDs, front row concert tickets, an all expenses paid trip for four to Disney World, and a 2011 Ford Focus if they agree to just drop the charges. No word as of yet on the father's decision.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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