Written by Bertram Chapley
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Topics: Music, Charity

Monday, 13 June 2005

image for Bob Off for Another Gong
Dead From the Neck Up ?

Charity and music Guru Bob Gelfof has lost his marbles again and announced that there is to be yet another charity shindig in the summer, this time for the benefit of his latest cause.

Bob, who is a Pork Pie Short of a Picnic, said Dead Aid 2005 is to be held on the rooftop of one of the World Trade Centre buildings in New York and concurrently on the Hindenburg as it circles over Atlantis.

All funds raised are to go to the Florence Nightingale Fund, something that Bob has established after seeing a film starring Dame Anna Neagle. Alfred Hitchcock is Patron.

"It is disgusting to see what conditions these people are working in……." said a disgruntled Geldof. "We are supposed to be living in a modern society and yet we have to endure such a primitive Health Service. Poor lighting conditions and dirty hacksaws, I aim to put this right !"

We wanted to ask more questions but two men in white suits buckled up the last strap on his jacket and took him back to his ‘suite'.

However we did get a statement from Midge Urine who has been named as the co-organiser of the event. "Bob's up against it at the moment, he's doing too much and his mid life crisis is spiralling out of control. He gets no help from his daughters, Mango Chutney and FeFiFoFum so I aim to fill the gap."

"Basically Dead Aid is the same as Live Aid. We do have some performers who were in Live Aid offering their services. Elvis Presley is headlining things in the States and the other venue, on the Hindenburg is to have stars such as John Lennon and Freddie Mercury. Glen Miller has been approached but has expressed concern the airship will take off in fog." Added Urine.

As in all of these type of events Status Quo will be omnipresent. There will be a single released close to Christmas and a march to Bognor Regis has been muted. Howard Hughes, who could not sing a single note, is to replicate the Phil Collin's Concorde trip in his Spruce Goose.

Tina Turner is reported to be considering suicide in order to be able to take part.
"She'll do just about anything to revive her flagging career" said an envious Michael Jackson who is hoping for the electric chair after his kiddie fiddling trial.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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