Skoob Entertainment News supremo, Buffty Ginslinger, today revealed that sources had revealed that X-factor judge and mentor Cheryl Cole had admitted having her hair dyed red but strenuously denied having her anus bleached or vajazzled in line with adult movie industry regulations.
Wor Cheryl, as she is known in Gatesheed was reportedly extremely agitated by revelations that she had partaken of anal bleaching, in order to eradicate the brown bits from her centrally located buttock asterisk.
Ginslinger informed us that it was highly unlikely that Chezza would have had her anus bleached, as she doesn't actively participate in the adult movie industry.
Despite what ex-husband Ashley would probably like to think.
As he sends pictures of himself in his underpants with a semi on to various assorted hairdressers.
"I can't imagine the divine Cheryl having her anus bleached in the interests of aestheticism," Ginslinger told us from a stretcher in the A&E unit of a north London hospital (don't ask) "What I heard from Julian, my very good friend, who is only a tad gay, is that Cheryl dyed her hair red in order to appear more serious and on point in her capacity as an X-Factor judge, but he's heard nothing about her having her anus bleached in order to make it more photogenic than it probably already is. Oh fucking hell - I feel sick - can I get back to you?"
Will he? Won't he?
We don't know yet.
Everybody - including Seaton Carew - appears to be waiting for Buffty. But it would appear that he's currently doing battle with an NHS stomach pump.
More as we get it.