Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 13 October 2010

image for Aguilera Seen at Clooney's Lake Como Villa
Clooney Flies American to Piss off the Italians on Lake Como

Having had enough of "immature boys", as Christina was overheard saying on yesterday's first class flight into Milan, Ms. Aguilera has apparently moved on and moved up the maturity scale after being sighted today at George Clooney's Vila in Bellagio, Italy.

Sporting a bangle trimmed one piece and wide brimmed sun hat; Clooney and Aguilera were also seen boating on the lake in George's vintage Mahogany speedboat. "He appeared to be wiping something white off her chin with a towel as we passed by", commented local businessman, Vito Ascendi while making the water taxi trip from Bellagio to Tremezzo on the opposite shore.

"It makes total sense to me", says Christina's long time friend and personal assistant, Dominique DuMay. "She went to see that movie, The American like five times, and got all giggly during his pull-up scene. That girl must like grey hair, but like, you have to like it all over the place, upper and lower, you know what I'm saying", said DuMay.

Fans of Aguilera can see the desire to move in a more mature direction, based on her previous relationships with tee-shirt, ball cap sideways-wearing, gangster wanna-be's. "This might be the real thing for her. She really deserves to be taken care of by a gentleman", says Lucinda Watkins of Oakland California, who was unfamiliar with Clooney's track record with long term relationships.

In a related story, editors of TMZ had actually missed the hook-up and were frantically trying to locate any photographer with images of the couple in Italy. All they were able to manage for tonight's television broadcast was an artist's rendering of Vito Ascendi's description, which included a poorly drawn glob of what looks like mayonnaise on her cheek. TMZ's headline was reported to be; "Clooney and Aguilera Share Messy Sandwiches on the Open Water".

It was apparently a sausage sandwich.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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