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Wednesday, 13 October 2010

image for X-Factor Final 2010 - Bonkettes Turn Down Live Guest Slot
BJ Spit And BJ Swallow Having A Paddle Earlier Today

BT Bishop, manager of the world's greatest girl band, The Bonkettes revealed this afternoon that the girls had turned down an invitation to perform in the X-Factor final - one of the most sought after slots in the music business.

He told SKoob Entertainment News that Simon Cowbell had literally grovelled on all fours to try to persuade the band to do the show, but that the girls, and especially lead singer BJ Swallow had just laughed at the grovelling impressario.

A bitter and humiliated Cowbell was last sighted boarding a private jet bound for LaLa Land with a face like thunder.

"He doesn't like being turned down," an insider told us.

We sent our reporter out to the private Caribbean island owned collectively by the Bonkettes, where he found BJ Swallow relaxing by a pool drinking a pint of surgical spirit through a straw and checking out respected internet satire site theSpoof.com on a laptop.

He asked Swallow why on earth the band had turned down the offer of such a potential money-spinning appearance on a show likely to be watched by millions? Especially considering that the band have been keeping such a low profile recently.

Smiling seductively, she told our man that the main reason for declining the offer was that in her humble opinion, the judges were a bunch of wankers and drama queens who don't know their arses from their elbows.

"Appearing on that pile of shite would just totally destroy our credibility. So what we did, was, we politely told Cowbell to go and fuck himself. I mean, come on - can you seriously imagine The Bonkettes sharing a bill with the likes of Cher Lloyd and Katie Waissel? Do me a favour..."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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