It is reported that the judges on tonight's X - Factor, the continuing saga of how to bury a story with a nasty smell, were full of praise for a group of young ladies calling themselves, "Belle Amie."
Did they see and hear the same performance as the rest of the UK?
Out of tune and flat lead vocals, uncoordinated movement on the stage, backing singers all over the place would sum them up. A judge, and this is being charitable, given the remarks, welcomed the arrival of a new girl band that is needed to enliven the music scene.
Are we all going a little bit crazy here?
Tangoed ex Mrs Cole, nee Tweedy, swayed enthusiastically, along with the performance of her contestant the lovely Cher.
The same Miss Girls are Allowed to pretend was surely hiding her anxiety as Home Office officials searched the studio for a certain Zimbabwean by the name of Gamu.
The poor girl is nowhere to be seen and is thought to be in hiding in Scotland's smallest county with a long, long name, Clackmannanshire. Her lawyers are, allegedly, in consultation with several UK national redtops, negotiating the best deal for her story. Then the family will move to Switzerland, it is alleged, rich and free from harassment. It is reported that Gamu has already been approached by Swiss TV to perform for her soon to be adopted country in the 2011 Eurovision Song Contest.
Belle Amie might be the perfect song title for Gamu's Eurovision debut. Dedicated to the ex Mrs Cole.
"Vous n' etes pas ma Belle Amie*, 'cause you stopped me from competing on TV."
Officials at the council in Clackmannanshire are delighted. They never had so much free publicity. Most UK residents can't pronounce Clackmannanshire, never mind know where it is.