Written by Frank Cotolo
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Saturday, 8 October 2005

image for Angelina Jolie says Brad Pitt smells 'badly'
Angelina Jolie senses attraction with her beautiful nose.

NEW YORK - In an interview recently given by Angelina Jolie, the actress says she "thinks the world" of Brad Pitt - but never slept with him, probably because "he smells badly."

"We got on great," Jolie says of her Mr. and Mrs. Smith co-star, "but as far as touching each other in erotic places or sticking parts of our bodies into one another, I couldn't do that with someone who smells badly."

When asked what she thought was "badly" smelling about the handsome actor, she just made a face that looked like a face sniffing a stool.

Jolie's publicist told the interviewer, "She isn't saying he smells badly to anyone but her and even then it is just an opinion and the kind of opinion that, she is saying, would keep her from using her nostrils close to him, as she would if they had sex.

"Ms. Jolie is very sensitive to odors of all kinds and some things that others find pleasant to smell, she finds unpleasant.

"She often makes expressions like she is sniffing stools. It's just her way."

Some film historians say that Jolie's father, Jon Voight, often made expressions like he was sniffing a stool and that he built his entire character in Midnight Cowboy by using the expression. "Watch it closely," says film historian Bonnie Miraldo, "and you will see that Voight is making the stool-sniffing expression a lot, especially in the second half of the film."

Pitt, 41, recently separated from Jennifer Aniston after 4 1/2 years of marriage. Aniston, 36, filed for divorce in March, citing irreconcilable differences, but nothing having to do with bad odors from her then husband.

Tabloids have speculated Jolie was having sex with Pitt and that hurt Pitt's marriage. Pitt refused to talk at a recent press conference when asked if he bonked Jolie. Reporters did note, however, that there was a strange odor in the room when Pitt entered. But they thought it was just gas passed by Ed Norton, who was in the room eating Mexican food.

"I am not dating anybody," says Jolie. "But I have my nostrils opened wide."

Jolie's marriages to Jonny Lee Miller and Billy Bob Thornton ended in divorce, primarily because those two men each had three names and six between them.

Jolie has a four-year-old son and can just about command any man to crawl on his knees over shards of flaming glass to get near to her. But that guy better pass the smell test if he is going to stay around, she says.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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