LA BREA, California - A very somber, dejected, and highly embarrassed Ashton Kutcher sat all by himself at a local Mickey D's located next to the world famous La Brea Tar Pits.
As he sat eating two orders of Chicken McNuggets he was overheard talking to himself and saying "Ashy, how the hell could you be so stupid? I mean dude, you really don't even like bowling all that much punk."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: The very married Ashton Kutcher, boy toy hubby of the much older Demi Moore, was recently caught in several uncompromising positions at the Lucky Strike-Marlboro Bowling Lanes in Hollywood with a home-wrecking type skank named Brittney Jones.]
Ashton has denied any out of line involvement with Miss Jones and has repeatedly insisted that he was merely just trying to show her how to throw a strike.
Kutcher and Moore just observed their fifth wedding anniversary on Friday, September, 24. Ashton reportedly bought Demi an 18-karat diamond bracelet and Demi reportedly bought Ashton a taser gun which she says she is keeping and plans to present to the immature jerk sometime in the middle of the night.
Meanwhile Kutcher has been receiving all kinds of advice on exactly what to say to his little 'older woman' to make her forgive him and forget that he ever strayed away from their marital bed.
SIDENOTE: One of Ashton's gay high school friends Brucey "Bubbles" Yawnlicker, told a reporter for the National Enquirer that Ashton has deleted all of his previous 'Fave Five' members and added five brand new 'Fave Five' members. The five are all individuals who have already given him information on how to get his hillbilly ass out of this mess. The five include 'Mess' experts, Tiger Woods, Jesse James, Charlie Sheen, John Edwards, and Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio.