Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 25 September 2010

image for Heidi Montag Angrily Denies Joan Rivers Claim That She's A Closet Lesbian
Joan Rivers shown walking in Brooklyn without her makeup, deodorant, and walker.

TUBA CITY, Arizona - Heidi Montag was visiting the world famous Grand Canyon in Arizona before President Obama sells it to a group of rich North Korean investors.

She was dressed in a brand new Daisy Duke outfit that she said she had been given by a special someone whom she refused to name. Heidi did mention that the individuals initials were G.F.

One of the paparazzi that was following her around shouted out Gina Frankenbicker?

Another hollered out Gertie Firesteel? And yet another shouted out GooGoo Fappamuski?

"Hey y'all." Heidi shouted out. "What is with up with y'all? Why in the world have y'all mentioned female names and not a one of you has mentioned a male name?"

One of the media members, Ridley "Snap Snap" Riley confessed that since Joan Rivers had made her remark to Glenn Beck of Fox News that they all just assumed that Heidi had in fact become a lesbian, or lesbianite as they are called south of the Mason-Dixon line, down in the land of cotton, where old times there are not forgotten, and people still do look away, look away, look away Dixie Land.

Montag became furious. "I am not a lesbian or even a lesbianite!" she yelled out accidentally hitting a reporter for USA Today with a little bitty gob of saliva.

Heidi asked what exactly that World War I, Jewish bitch Joan "The Moan" Rivers had said.

She was told that Rivers had said that several Hollywood starlets and wannabee celebs had commented that Heidi's brand new plastic teeter-totters tasted a lot like plastic water bottles.

Rivers also said that the executives at Six Flags of California asked her if she would like to be one of the kiddy water rides since at least a dozen kids could hop on top of her and float safely down an amusement park water culvert.

SIDENOTE: Heidi noted that Joan Rivers has had so many facelifts that if she has one more she will have to remove her girdle in order to paint her toenails.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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