HOLLYWOOD - The Candlelight Motion Picture Company has just sent a press release announcing the filming of a new action packed spy mystery titled The Girl With The Painted On Jeans.
Mexican sports reporter turned actress Ines Sainz will star as Emmylou Flambeau, the divorced wife of one of Mexico's most popular bullfighters Enrique "The Package" Villagrande.
After losing everything in the divorce due to the fact that she had been video taped messing around with a dozen other matadors in a Guadalajara bullfighters locker room, Emmylou decided to move to California where she quickly was hired as a model for the Blue Tar Pits Blue Jean Company based in La Brea.
While at the jean company she met Alvin Salsatuck, played by Zac Efron, who convinced her to move to Topanga Canyon and open up a painted on jeans kiosk at the Ricky and Lucy Ricardo Mall.
Salsatuck's brother-in-law, Casey Penobscot, played by Robert Pattinson instantly fell in love with Emmylou and took her on an Alaskan cruise to the Aleutian Islands. While on the islands Emmylou remarked that she could clearly see Russia.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: And Emmylou clearly was able to see Russian and not just lied about being able to see it like Sarah "Snowflake" Palin did.]
In the movie, Ines soon becomes secretly involved with Mel Gibson, who has a cameo role as a temperamental Russian double agent Vladimir Moscowitz.
Moscowitz, who is an extremely angry man is presently engaged to the stunningly beautiful Russian Salad Dressing heiress Tatiana "Tatitas" Vladislav who is portrayed by Hayden Panettiere.
Emmylou soon enters into a menage-a-trois with Moscowitz and Vladislav and the three decide to move to Tucson, Arizona, where houses that last year were valued at $300,000 are now selling for $30,000 due to the fact that the state is being condemned at the end of the year by the Obama administration.
In a related story. The Thumb Tack Poster Company based in Sausalito, California has stated that their Ines Sainz painted on jeans poster showing her amazing ass at a recent New York Jets football game has just become the number one selling poster in the United States, the United Kingdom, and in Dutch West Wakaboonka.