Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 24 September 2010

image for Demi Moore Furious At Husband Ashton Kutcher's Womanizing - She Says She Wants To Date Justin Bieber
Ashton Kutcher at the age of 16, playing Capt. Spin Cycle Rides Again.

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Demi Moore's hair stylist, Slicky Pomade of Pomona, has revealed that his long time client Ms. Moore aka Mrs. Ashton Kutcher is extremely furious over the infidelity allegations regarding her boy toy husband of five years.

Moore cried on Slicky's gay shoulder and confessed how she should have known something was up when he took her out to celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary on September 24 at a Jack-in-The-Box in La Brea.

The 47-year-old actress says when she first heard that Ashy, as she calls her boy toy hubby, was going bowling at The Lucky Strike-Marlboro Bowling Lanes she instantly realized that something horrible could happen.

Demi said that her semi-pretty daughters from her marriage with Bruce "The Attitude" Willis, Rumer, Scout, and Tallulah, all told her that, that particular bowling alley is a gathering place for cute, skanky little ho's who want to try and latch on to some young male celebrity with money, fame, and a crotch puppet.

Scout said that on many occasions she has seen the likes of Zac Efron, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, and even old codger Frankie Avalon bowling there.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The manager of the bowling alley Cyrus Van Saltenbrook laughed and said that Avalon has been going to the place for the past 30 years and he always bowls in his Beach Blanket Bingo movie swim trunks, which are now about three sizes too small.]

Moore informed Pomade that she was told by a girl, tentatively identified as Julie Zippatusk, who makes hot dogs at the lanes, that as soon as Ashton walked in an actress wannabee named Brittney Jones practically threw her pair of size 36-DD puppies in Kutcher's face.

She added that at first Kutcher merely flicked them both away but after the fourth time he just kind of decided to hold them and pretend that it was just something that he does everyday.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Which from the looks of things coming out now, that is pretty much the truth.]

Zippatusk said that she watched the two all night and that at least three times during the evening she clearly saw Brittney stick her hand inside Ashton's pants and say something that sounded like either wowie zowie, or zowie wowie.

The two left before they had actually finished bowling their last game. As they passed by her she offered them each another hot dog and she said that Brittney just winked, waved the hot dog off, and pointed towards Kutcher's pants.

An unnamed source who also just happened to see the proceedings called a friend of a friend of Demi Moore and told her all of the details.

Moore is now fuming and has threatened to call up Justin Bieber and ask him to go out on a date to Chuck E. Cheese with her.

SIDENOTE: Demi Moore's ex-husband has reportedly told Oprah Winfrey that the next time he sees Mr. Kutcher the little pitiful boy toy may end up talking in a much higher octave range.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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