David Beckham is suing a magazine over allegations that he had paid a flibbertigibbet to fornicate with him in the Big Apple. Representatives of the football star have released a statement that said simply, "Shut your dirty mouth and go back to your home on whore island"
The "lady" in question, who makes a reasonable living as a tuppeny upright, claims that she watched as he applied Brasso to his golden balls, she also added that no one can bend it quite like David, "he certainly put it in the back of my net" said the shameless floozy, who was attempting to use a football related aphorism to illustrate that he had sex with her and that she was satisfied with his overall performance.
When the self styled, high class woman of negotiable affection was informed of the similarities between her, being a prostitute and the character played by Shirley McLain, also a prostitute called Irma, in the 1963 film Irma La Douce, she replied. "I wasn't even born then you sick bastard, where do you get off suggesting that I have been doing this since the sixties?"