Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 23 September 2010

image for Ashton "The Cheater" Kutcher, Proves That He's Just Like Jesse "The Cheater" James, But Without The Silly-Looking Tattoos
Ashton Kutcher, 32, putting Clearasil on a pimple.

BEVERLY HILLS - Ashton Kutcher, who is the boy-toy husband of actress Demi Moore, was in Beverly Hills sitting in Mr. FuFi Fondue's Haven of Hair Salon.

He was asked by a client in the next chair if it was true that he was cheating on his wife. Ashton took off the towel that was wrapped around his neck, stood up, and told the client to shut up.

The client was not phased and asked the question again. Kutcher turned and told the woman that if she did not stop he was going to pick her up, take her outside, and kick her spray tanned ass all the way back to Chinatown.

The woman identified as Lee Yang Poon Tang laughed and told him that if he even dared to touch her she would kick him so hard between the legs that his nads would end up sitting right next to his tonsils.

Kutcher, who at 32, is 15 years younger than his wife sat back down. After the lady left he did confide to Mr. FuFi that it is true about him cheating on Demi and that the phone company has the records to prove it.

He said that he just could not help himself and that from the time that he first saw Brittney Jones at The Lucky Strike-Marlboro Bowling Lanes in Hollywood he instantly fell in love with the sensuously erotic way she held the bowling ball in her hand.

Kutcher says he remembers thinking that if she could do that to a damn bowling ball he could just imagine what she could do to his taco tickler.

So he decided to send her over a Krispy Kreme Donut. She reciprocated by sending him over an Oscar Mayer Wiener with her lipstick imprint on it.

Ashton grinned and said that he knew that it was going to lead to something more than just a nice night out at the bowling lanes.

SIDENOTE: So the former executive producer and star of the reality show Punk'd has clearly shown that just like "Messy" Jesse James, he is one big, dumbass punk.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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