Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Lindsay Lohan

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

image for Lindsay Lohan May Be Cut A Break, Because That Worked In The Past.
ABOVE: Lindsay Lohan, who looks like sh-t.

Ginger-headed coke-monkey Lindsay Lohan may actually get away with having blood in her cocaine system, because that clearly has worked for her in the past.

The second test Lindsay failed was positive for Adderall --a delicious, and legal, meth substitute-- but the Court may not give any jail time, because of some wackiness with the paperwork that went from the court to the Probation Office.

The Probation Department is recommending 30 days probation for the first failed drug test which showed a positive reading for cocaine.

"After a few hours of quiet reflection, and playing bongos on my girlfriend's face and upper torso, allegedly, I have come to a conclusion," said Lohan's failure of a father, Michael. "I believe that her probation violation should be punished with more probation. That'll... that'll help her, right?"

Sources say Judge Fox could sentence Lindsay to 30 days in jail for the cocaine violation, which will translate to less time than it'll take to braid her cellmate's hair, because overcrowding will force them to release crackhead Lohan the same day.

"The Judge could just revoke her bail, send her ass to jail, and set a hearing date 30 days later,"said the Los Angeles prosecutor, whose 0.0005% conviction rate is the highest in the county. "This way, she can't be released early."

"I want to cut her a break," said Judge Fox. "I'm sure she won't reoffend. Wait... why are you laughing?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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