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Topics: TV, BBC

Wednesday, 22 September 2010

image for BBC Chief Insists: Put the show on ice or face the consequences
Nick Knowles in training for DIY SOS on ice.

BBC Chief Sir Michael Lyons has issued an ultimatum to producers of the corporation's programmes: put the show on ice or face the consequences.

Lyons is ambitious to replicate the success of rivals ITV's skateaway success Come Dancing on Ice and now believes every show would be improved drastically by an ice-based setting.

Early experimentations have been less than successful however, with one customer on Antiques Roadshow on Ice left furious when an original Ming Dynasty vase was destroyed when presenter Fiona Bruce lost her footing.

Further controversy followed during Prime Minister's Question Time when David Cameron agreed to withdraw his opposition to ASBOs. He later revealed he only did this as he felt intimidated and endangered by what he saw as "deliberately aggressive and politically-motivated ice skating manoeuvres" of certain Labour back-benchers.

Despite these objections, Lyons has insisted he will push on with his ice obsession and has cleverly managed to combine this with a conceited support of environmental issues by launching an inane "Ice is Nice" campaign which will see him duetting with newsreader Huw Edwards on download-only version of Vanilla Ice's hit song "Ice Ice Baby".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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