CHICAGO - Oprah Winfrey and her BFF Gayle King were having dinner at Chicago's trendy Mrs. Al Capone Italian Restaurant and Souvenir Shop, when someone at the next table overheard Gayle ask Miss O, if she was thinking about getting the latest craze out of The Left Coast, which is getting one's vagina vajazzled.
Oprah started coughing and almost choked on some imported Iranian caviar and asked why she would even ask her such a question.
King told her that she had heard that when she appears on The Larry King Show that he plans on asking her that very question.
Oprah shook her head. She raised her eyebrows and remarked, "Hotlanta and to think that when I was growing up my biggest question was how in the world is a baby's head gonna be able to come out of my little ol' groin goody."
Gayle laughed, spilling a little bit of her Anaconda Shooter, and told her that she used to wonder the exact same thing until her home economics teacher explained it to her.
King said that Mr. Faustello Farkaletti, had a way of explaining the most puzzling intimate things through his extensive collection of private photos, sketches, and charcoal drawings.
Oprah giggled spilling some of her Singapore Sling on Gayle's $2,000 imported Gucci Sasarucci purse.
Well by now Oprah was feeling somewhat giddy and she started giggling. And her giggles got louder and louder. Gayle asked her to control herself.
Miss O, said that she couldn't because she was getting some kind of strange tingling sensation in the inner reaches of her lap.
A puzzled Gayle asked, "Girlfriend are you talkin' 'bout jur muffy muff or what."
"Yeah, dat be right. I be talkin' 'bout my muffy muff fo sho uh huh."
Gayle started giggling and remarked, "Well I do declare I think that I'm starting to feel some fa shizzle ma nizzling in my lovely looking happy valley as well."
The waiter walked over and asked them if they needed anything. Oprah looked up and said that everything was fine.
And as the waiter started to walk away, Winfrey called him back. "Say garcon, whatcha name be?" He replied that his name was Mr. Maurice Mandlebaum.
Oprah grinned and asked him to lean down towards her. Maurice did. "Say M.M.," she said in a somewhat tipsy manner, "I just want ja ta know dat there ain't no way in hell dat I gonna be gettin' any cake decorations glued onto my hooha okay?"
Mr. Maurice quickly turned and left holding his mouth with his left hand.
In other news. Reports that the national Tea Bag Party is promising anyone who votes for their candidates two cases of free Lipton Tea has as of yet not been verified.