Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Lindsay Lohan

Saturday, 18 September 2010

image for Dumbass Lindsay Lohan Fails Multiple Drug Tests: "I don't do cocaine, I just like the smell."
ABOVE: Lohan's patent for Hemp-on-a-stick was ultmately rejected.

In the latest incident that proves that this dumbass will never get her sh-t together until she hits rock bottom, pissing-a-promising-career-away dingbat Lindsay Lohan has reportedly failed several drug tests, testing positive for cocaine.

"Wait, you mean because she is repeatedly given second chances, and did about 25% of her jail sentence, and I authorized her to go to a rehab facility so luxurious that it makes a month's stay at Sandles look like Auschwitz, that I actually enabled Linsday to continue f--king up?" asked Judge Marsha Revel. "Who knew?"

DID YOU KNOW

That even people who love writing derogatory stories about Lindsay still really hope that this woman, who was dealt the world's sh-ttiest hand, parent-wise, gets her act together before her life is completely unsalvageable

Lohan, sources say, was originally on the straight-and-narrow path after being released from jail. But, after a brief prerecorded scene at the MTV Video Music Awards revealed that, a.), Lohan can be upstaged by Chelsea Handler, and, b.), she is as hagged-out as Mischa Barton, things went downhill for her.

"Lindsay fell back in with some negative influences, like Samantha Ronson's labia, and then began dabbling in drugs again," claims a friend of Lohan. "We can only hope that Lindsay falls far enough to hit rock bottom, when she realizes that she has absolutely no f--king control over her life. Maybe then she'll come around. Hope she lives long enough for the cure to work."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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