Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: Lindsay Lohan

Saturday, 18 September 2010

image for Dumbass Lindsay Lohan Fails Multiple Drug Tests: "I don't do cocaine, I just like the smell."
ABOVE: Lohan's patent for Hemp-on-a-stick was ultmately rejected.

In the latest incident that proves that this dumbass will never get her sh-t together until she hits rock bottom, pissing-a-promising-career-away dingbat Lindsay Lohan has reportedly failed several drug tests, testing positive for cocaine.

"Wait, you mean because she is repeatedly given second chances, and did about 25% of her jail sentence, and I authorized her to go to a rehab facility so luxurious that it makes a month's stay at Sandles look like Auschwitz, that I actually enabled Linsday to continue f--king up?" asked Judge Marsha Revel. "Who knew?"


That even people who love writing derogatory stories about Lindsay still really hope that this woman, who was dealt the world's sh-ttiest hand, parent-wise, gets her act together before her life is completely unsalvageable

Lohan, sources say, was originally on the straight-and-narrow path after being released from jail. But, after a brief prerecorded scene at the MTV Video Music Awards revealed that, a.), Lohan can be upstaged by Chelsea Handler, and, b.), she is as hagged-out as Mischa Barton, things went downhill for her.

"Lindsay fell back in with some negative influences, like Samantha Ronson's labia, and then began dabbling in drugs again," claims a friend of Lohan. "We can only hope that Lindsay falls far enough to hit rock bottom, when she realizes that she has absolutely no f--king control over her life. Maybe then she'll come around. Hope she lives long enough for the cure to work."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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