Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 18 September 2010

image for Sarah Palin Says She Will Be In The Audience Watching Her Daughter Bristol On The Premier Of Dancing With The Stars
"Snowflake" Palin will be in the audience of this year's first Dancing With The Stars Show.

HOLLYWOOD - The season's premier of Dancing With The Stars starts this Monday. And one very proud mama will be in the audience watching her daughter Bristol perform.

The ex-governor of Alaska and failed GOP candidate for vice-president Sarah Palin has stated that she has received tickets to the first DWTS show of the season.

Palin said that she is glad that Bristy, as she calls her, was assigned Mark Ballas as her professional dance partner.

She said that Mark is a true gentleman who has a lot of patience and she knows that he will not yell, scream, or holler at her little girl like "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom" Maksim Chmerkovisy would have done.

"Snowflake" Palin as non Tea Party Republicans call her, also pointed out that she is glad that her partner was not Derek Hough, whom the elder Palin described as one of the "Lower 48s" biggest playboys.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Derek and England's Cheryl Cole are one of California's hottest couples. So Derek may very well have touched some of Bristol's body parts but it would have meant absolutely nothing.]

Bristol, meanwhile says that she is thrilled to be a part of Dancing With The Stars and is in awe of some of the celebrity contestants such as Brandy, Jennifer Grey, Florence Henderson, and Rick Fox, but not of Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino or David "Hic Hic" Hasselhoff.

DWTS co-host Tom Bergeron says that he can hardly wait to see the British judge Len "The Old Bulldog" Goodman give Bristol some bad marks or say some bad things about her performance because he knows that Bristy's mommy Miss Sarah will no doubt have one of her security guards pay Mr. Goodman a visit backstage.

The Italian judge Bruno "The Gaytalian" Tonioli said that Little Bristol is so cute that he would like to adopt her if he wasn't gay and if he had a female wife.

When Sarah Palin was asked if she feels she will be nervous when she sees her little girl out on the ballroom dance floor she replied, "Ya know. I think that I will most certainly be nervous. Maybe not quite as nervous as when I stalked and shot my very first moose at the age of three, but nervous nonetheless."

Bristol and Mark will be dancing to Three Dog Night's "Mama Told Me Not To Come" which is a very appropriate song.

In other news. Lindsay Lohan was interviewed by Rolling Stone Magazine and asked if she feels that her and Paris Hilton will ever get their damn act together. LiLo grinned, took a sip of her Lowenbrau and replied, "Paris is hopeless. And I'm, ya know even hopelesser. Hey is hopelesser, ya know an effen word?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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