Mr Trevor Brew, Chief Screw at Her Majesty's Open Prison Balaclava on the Isle of Wight, welcomed the impending arrival of the most famous inmate sent to him for rehab and further driver instruction.
"Mr Michael will find that membership is a smiling face," declared Mr Brew, "many of my inmates will welcome the opportunity to brush shoulders with the star. Strangers will take him by the hand and he will be a most welcome addition to a very personal wonderland."
"I'm tempted to suggest that he already knew of this outcome in the 1980's when he gave us a huge hit.Club Balaclava"
"Mr Michael will undertake a short period of rehabilitation but we have a duty of care, under Health and Safety legislation to ensure inmates do not become dehydrated, therefore all drinks are free. We can also guarantee fun and exposure to the sun as this is a sunny spot."
" As he did not have time to pack his celebrity gear before he was led in handcuffs to his flight, we will be providing regulation prison gear for him to wear for his few weeks with us. He might also be interested in our new rap classes!"
Now these are, Cool, cool, cool, cool........