Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 15 September 2010

image for George Michael Heads For Chile
Panayiotou bracing himself for the miners

George Michael, the former pop star who was handed an eight-week jail sentence yesterday, is this evening heading out of Heathrow Airport on his way to Chile, it has been revealed.

Michael, or, should I say, Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou to give him his real name, was jailed for crashing his car while under the influence of cannabis. He was also fined £1,250 at Highbury Corner Magistrates Court in London and given a five-year driving ban.

The 47-year-old ex-singer was arrested in July in Hampstead, north London after driving his Range Rover into a branch of photographic store Snappy Snaps. His excuse was that he could never find a parking place.

Last month he pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of drugs and possessing cannabis.

The former star was told then that his offences were "a serious matter" and that he would serve his sentence in Chile, along with the miners trapped underground for nearly six weeks.

As he boarded his flight, Michael joked with photographers, saying:

"I understand men and what they need. I'll do my time, and try to provide as much comfort and relief as I possibly can - without getting my arsehole completely shattered, that is!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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