Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 15 September 2010

image for The Final Four Strut Their "A" Stuff On America's Got Talent
Dolly Parton is a big fan of America's Got Talent. (Photo courtesy of Burt Reynolds).

HOLLYWOOD - Nick "The Popsicle Stick" Cannon strutted out on the America's Got Talent finale stage and looked like a full-fledged circus ringmaster except not as fat, not as loud, and not as white.

He introduced the final four performers and then went to a commercial for a feminine itch product called Itch Bitch Be Gone.

The first to perform was Los Angeles native Prince Poppycock, the opera singer wears so much makeup he literally makes Dolly Parton look like a little old plain backwoods country bumpkin.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Dolly Parton says that she is a big fan of America's Got Talent and she watches it in her underwear every week.]

PP sang an Italian song called "Ipso Habeas Vino Pizzarelli Cantanto," which translated into English means "I Love My Little Wine Drinking, Pizza Eating Song."

Piers actually X'd him. Afterwards Nick asked him why he had X'd the Prince. Piers giggled and remarked "It's really quite simple really. Today the prince acted more like a joker."

Sharon told Morgan that he needs to get his old flat arse (ass) and head on back to England. Piers told Sharon that she really needs to stop taking little nips of brandy before the show.

Osbourne reached over and hit Piers on his nose with her 'cheat sheet.'

Howie (Mandel) said that the PPster did another great performance and wondered if he wore mens underwear or womens underwear underneath all of his clothing.

PP winked and said that he suggests that he ask Piers during the next commercial because Mr. Morgan has been up to his dressing room and visited with him on several occasions.

The next to perform was Mississippi's Michael Grimm, a singer who has a great voice and who could end up possibly winning the talent contest.

Grimm sang the song "When A Man Loves A Woman" which was written by Melissa Etheridge about her ex-wife Tammy.

Michael was asked what he would do if he won the $1 million first prize. His eyes welled up with tears as he said that he would buy his grandparents a brand new trailer house.

Morgan asked Grimm if he could take off his hat. Michael blushed and said that he couldn't since it was actually sewed into his hair.

Little 10-year-old Pittsburgh native Jackie Evancho took the stage next. She began to sing and it was fantastic as always, but then about half way through the song a 52-member choir and a 31-piece orchestra joined in and they just about completely overpowered little Jackie girl.

You could clearly see that Jackie was upset especially since she could hardly hear herself sing.

Afterwards Piers said that she sounded great as always but wondered why she felt the need to add 83 people to her act.

Sharon said that Jackie was absolutely stunning and then threw in the fact that her husband the rock icon Ozzy "The Prince of Darkness" Osbourne has made a $100 bet with Sarah Palin that Michael Grimm would defeat Jackie Evancho.

Jackie just shrugged her shoulders and told Sharon that it looks like her stuttering hubby will be out $100.

Evancho sang the song "Ave Maria." But it was not the classic version written by Franz Schubert in 1825, but the more modern version written by Clay Aiken in 2008.

And the final act to perform was Fighting Gravity. FG is composed of 13 members from Richmond, Virginia. The group is a black light performance Illusion group and was originally called Fighting The Equatorial Pull, but changed their name when they learned that there was already an illusion group by that name from Shanghai, China.

The group once again won the judges over with their performance which included using smoke, mirrors, black lights, Velcro, Ohio Kitchen Matches, a homing pigeon, and a taser gun.

In a related story. Grandma Lee, who is 74, and who was a contestant on last year's America's Got Talent was in the audience and during a commercial she went up to Piers Morgan and whispered in his ear that she still wants to have his baby.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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